If Elvis' team had used Scrum, he might be alive today!

Today marks the 30th anniversary of Elvis Presley's death of congestive heart failure at age 42. Over the years, I've heard several folks discuss how such a force in American culture could have died so young. Examining all of the what-ifs I've heard, I can say unequivocally that if Elvis' famed entourage—the Memphis Mafia—had adopted Scrum, Elvis Presley would still be alive today.

At Graceland, Elvis Presley was the boss, and no one ever said anything to offend the boss. As a leader, Elvis understood the importance of trust, but his perspective was more inline with "keeping friends close and enemies closer" than the complete Trust Management concept that makes Scrum work. Team Truth and Transparency was completely lost on Elvis. He likely thought everyone was being truthful and that nothing was going on beyond his eyes, but factually, he was the emperor with no clothes.

If the Graceland troop had implemented Scrum, Elvis would have been treated more like a Product than a boss. His manager, Colonel Tom Parker, would have been the Product Owner, and Road Manager Joe Esposito might have been the ScrumMaster.

Travel back with me now to August 16, 1976—one year before the death of Elvis Presley—and listen in on how their Daily Stand-ups should have gone...

JOE

Okay, everyone, this is a quick meeting. We need to know: what you did yesterday, what you will do today, and what obstacles are blocking or slowing your progress.

SAM

My goal is to secure the premises. Yesterday, I had to deal with women that kept climbing over the wall. Today, I plan to install new security cameras on the west wall. I could use some help loading the equipment into the golf cart.

JOE

Does anyone have some time today to assist Sam?

RICK

I've got a couple of hours before Elvis wakes up. I can help.

Yesterday, Elvis woke-up about 3:30 in the afternoon. I got up a couple of hours earlier and laid his clothes out for him, but he didn't get dressed until around 6. Last night, we caught a movie, sat around the piano singing for a few hours, went to the dentist around 2:AM, and then played racket ball until sun-up. Elvis went to bed after breakfast.

Tonight, I think we'll go to the gym for Karate, and some girls are coming over from the Playboy mansion. It's really tough to plan these things. Doctor has Elvis on drugs to sleep and more drugs to wake him up. When Elvis tries to get clean of the drugs, he doesn't feel like doing anything.

JOE

Doctor, schedule a separate meeting with me and Colonel Parker. With the exception of the glaucoma medication, someone Elvis' age shouldn't be taking daily prescriptions.

DOCTOR

I can do that, but if Elvis hears about it, we'll be fired.

JOE

That's an impediment for the ScrumMaster and the Product Owner to resolve.

PAULINE

My goal is to keep Elvis eating right. Yesterday, he ate grilled peanut butter and banana sandwiches for all three meals. I'll be making the same today. Last month, he ate red-eye gravy and meatloaf every day for a month. I could use some help getting him on a balanced diet.

JOE

Doctor, can you assist?

DOCTOR

I can specify the diet, but I cannot enforce it. We may need to get the Product Owner's assistance with that impediment.

JOE

I'll call Colonel Parker after this meeting.

DOCTOR

Yesterday, I prescribed uppers for Elvis. Today, I prescribed downers for Elvis, because the uppers were heightening the effect of the drug the dentist prescribed.

JOE

Doctor, your tasks seem to conflict with the goals committed to by the team. If you can't adjust, we may have to consider managing you off the team.

 

You get the idea.

In the last 30 years, those closest to Elvis have said repeatedly...

"I know we could have saved Elvis' life if we had been brutally honest with him, instead of just being Yes Men—but we never knew how to do that without losing our jobs."

Scrum would have done that for them.