Use the Cone of Silence: It's the Law

This morning, I was abiding by California Law, driving with my cell phone in "speaker" mode.

Not only is this experience like using Get Smart's Cone of Silence, but the whole thing is completely unfair.

It's unfair to me, and it's unfair to the underwater person I am attempting to have a conversation with.

This awkward situation has us screaming at each other. Not only is this unfair, but it is also very rude.

I stopped at one light to find a rather obese guy with two egg McBurritos in one hand and scalding hot coffee in the other—but no worries: he had both elbows on the steering wheel.

At the next light, I found myself beside an attractive blond—attractive, because she had her whole beauty shop in her car. She was applying so much makeup as the light turned that I could have sworn she had three arms.

Where's the law against applying mascara and stuffing your face while driving? Is there some survey that proves these folks cause less accidents than those with cell phones to their ears, or is that a law, only because some bored California lawmaker had nothing important to talk about?

Almost to the office, I hit one of those uncomfortable lights. The ones where you are forced to sit in front of a cop. You know you're not guilty of anything, but you're nervous anyway. You start thinking of "what-ifs".

What if I weaved, and he thinks I'm drinking? What if my break light went out overnight? What if that parking ticket in New Mexico last summer finally caught up with me?

What if the cop is bored and looking for something to do? What if he is having a bad day and is looking for someone to take it out on?

In the end, I was able to breath a sigh of relief.

The officer had no time for me.

He was busy with his cell phone in his ear!