Talking Scrum at California State University in Fresno

Last night, my wife and I visited Fresno State University, where I spoke before the Central California .Net Users Group.

As you might imagine, the discussion centered around Scrum, Decade Software's development team's successes and failures, and the management strengths provided through truth, trust, and transparency.

We had a great time, and I am hopeful that I provided some with a new perspective on team-building—a new perspective that will prove infectious when they return to their own teams.

At night's end, Event Organizer Gustavo Cavalcanti told the audience that the presentation was the finest the group had ever witnessed. Not knowing my week leading up to the event, Gustavo has no idea how much I appreciate that comment.

As promised, the slides are now available for download... Scrum at FSU.ppt

I like speaking...almost as much as writing

Due to the fact that most do not hold back when posting opinions, bloggers run a risk of being shot each time they appear in public. Since my life insurance is paid up, I thought I would post my schedule for any would-be assassins out there.

• October 1-2, 2007

Like many of the Decade staff, I will be presenting at the 2007 Decade Software User Conference at the Radisson Hotel. In addition to hosting a panel discussion with the newest users of our flagship product, I will also be working with Marketing Pro Donald Bresee discussing the ends of outs of inspections using EnvisionConnect.

• October 10, 2007 - 7:00 PM

Meeting with the Central Valley DotNet Users Group, I'll be discussing Scrum and the various other process improvements my team has made over the last few years. This group is based in Fresno and serves developers, designers, architects, and managers in who have a specific interest in Microsoft .NET Technologies. The meeting will begin at 7:PM and will be held at Fresno State University.

• November 8, 2007 - 8:00 to 9:30 AM

I will also be reviewing our Scrum progress with the Regional Jobs Initiative Software Development Cluster, which consists of small to medium-sized businesses with the primary function of software development. The cluster was formed in the central valley, because industry leaders are enthusiastic about working together to grow the industry and ensure that the local business climate is willing to nurture start-ups.

Team outing tonight at Chukchansi Park

Tonight, as a team-building exercise—and as a means to celebrate the fact that 90% of our Envision customers can now begin upgrading to EnvisionConnect—the staff of Decade Software Company, LLC will be supporting teams of a different sort.

Our home team—the Fresno Grizzlies—will be taking on the New Orleans Zephyrs from my home state of Louisiana. The game is at Chukchansi Park, here in Fresno and begins at 7:05 PM.

The Decade team will be hanging out near the 600 Club enjoying ourselves—as all teams should, both inside and outside the office.

Nurse Feelbad and the stressing of the Zombie Manager

[ Entry written after the fact and retro-published to the date of occurrence. ]

"This is what we will do..." began the nurse, who reminded me of Dr. Ruth Westheimer. "We will attach these lead wires to your body and inject you with this chemical. Your heart will react as if it is under stress."

"Nurse, I think I saw this in a Twilight Zone episode. Can't you just unstrap me from this gurney, and let me run on the treadmill like everyone else?"

"The doctor insists that we stress you without physical activity."

"...then I'll call a couple of folks at the office. You'll see more stress than you can measure."

"Mr. Arledge, I'm afraid this will burn going in."

"That reminds me. I've had a severe headache since they put this nitro-glycerine patch on my leg."

"That is good." She said. "Then you will not notice the headache caused by the injection."

Within moments my heart was racing, and I was convinced that I was about to die.

Everything became really fuzzy after that. I may have dozed off, as the next thing I remember was two nurses arguing over what time they gave me the injection. One said that the question was critical in order to determine when the "antidote" should be administered. Silly me, I always associated antidotes with poison.

After Dr. Ruth gave me another injection, my body slowly regained a state she called "base normal." In this state you are still stressed, but your heart is no longer about to explode.

They wheeled me into a corner and told me to wait.

What else could I possibly do?

I could become nauseous, delirious and pale as a sheet.

One of the younger nurses—in her most professional manner—screamed. Another said, "This guy looks just like a zombie."

Someone said I had no blood pressure.

Dr. Ruth said that the antidote lowered blood pressure—and so did the nitro-glycerine patch. That could be the problem.

They gave me some orange juice and parked me in the corner by an old guy in a wheelchair.

The old guy just smiled. "You'll be fine in an hour." He said. "I go through this all of the time."

What this hospital needs is transparency!

[ Entry written after the fact and retro-published to the date of occurrence. ]

I'm on my back on this high-speed gurney, flying through the hospital.

The transporter guy yells, "Bump!" And we hit a bump.

"Three little bumps!" And we hit three little bumps.

"Uh-oh—BIG bumps!" And we hit really BIG bumps—still at high speed.

I'm thinking: Who wrote their transport process?

The people are as friendly and courteous as they can possibly be—and it is really nice of them to tell me that we're about to hit bumps—but I can't help but wonder why the person who wrote their Be-Friendly-And-Tell-The-Patient-About-Bumps Policy never considered that slowing down over the bumps might be a good idea.

The friendly transporter parks my gurney in what he calls the "stress lab", asks someone to sign a form, and then disappears.

A nurse resembling the short lady from Poltergeist appears with a needle and some straps.

"Mr. Arledge?" She asks.

"Yes."

"You're late! You were supposed to be here an hour ago."

"It wasn't my fault."

"I know. It's those transporters again."

Three other nurses appear beside her and speak in unison. "We don't like them."

"Is this all part of my stress test?" I ask.

The group responds. "No. Our old transporters were terminated. The hospital is outsourcing now. The transporters are not part of our team. We don't like them."

"What you guys need is someone to help you communicate better—so that you all can function as one team, seeing and understanding what dependent departments are doing at all times. Perhaps, I can help?"

"No, Mr. Arledge. We are here to help you."

They begin strapping me to my gurney and rolling one of those intravenous feeder contraptions near my head.

"How will you help me?"

"Our job is to stress you, and then test you."

I assume that I have already completed the "stress you" part.

I am very mistaken.